Alexia

Fri, 23 Sep 2005 01:47:41 GMT

blah blah blah blah
sock it to me.
sock it to me.
sock it to me.
sock it to me.
sock it to me.

how can I say I love you back
you never made me happy.

i never said this wouldn't hurt.
i never said i'd give it back
i won't be good enough for you
i'll never be around to say
& now you throw it all away.

you would stay through think and thin with me.
you're giving up on me.

whatever.

wtf

Fri, 26 Aug 2005 10:12:12 GMT

There's a fire outside as the glass is burning wood against wood against wood.
noises noises noises.
I have no effing clue as to what my finger is twitching at.
What the FUCK DO YOU WANT.
scratch scratch pauuuuuse
better.
it's gone.

it's wierd.
everything is premade.
dear jesus only you know.
only you know in the hyphen cherry.

what?
what?
slut.

chuck.

itch.
float.
numb.
fuck.

fucking itch.
it just wont go away.
what the fuck.

im so much warmer now.
geeze

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 05:38:41 GMT

I guess you could say i've moved on.
but i'm not quite sure what that means.
In this whole sick drama between you and I
I've finally grown my own wings.

I've found myself.
& that's important.
I'm happy and independent and strong.

I think that's what I needed to learn.
To live without you long term.
& I've let go.
I've let go.
I've let go.

I never wanted to.
but fuck you.
I did.

That doesn't mean I still don't want you here.
Because I really fucking want you here.
Life is tough.
It's tough right now.
No drug can ever make me feel
that way you used to make me feel.
No drung will EVER make me feel
the way you USED to make me feel.
You USED to be the best person i had ever ever met.
you USED to be so intelligent.
I looked up you fucking shit.
What don't you get.
You had it good.
I had to go through all this pain.
& for what?
To realize you werent the person I thought you were?
I have never been this angry at you.
I have never been this sad about you.
I have never ever ever ever wanted to see you so bad.

I just miss you.
Is that wrong?
Without you a part of me is gone.
It's missing.
Becaue that part of me you made.
& It's there but so afraid.
To live without you.
Would that be wrong?
These things we once shared are not long gone?
Forever?
I wonder.
I'm not quite sure;
What all this hunting and searching is for.

nothing rhymes.
I'm not ontime.
I'm just lonely & bitter because you ran away.
& you were fine.
Just fine just fine JUST FUCKING FINE.
& im sitting here still thinking about you.
It's pathetic.
It's shit.
It's fucking stupid.

YOU WERE MY BEST FRIEND.

you blew it.
fucker.

Thu, 07 Jul 2005 05:38:26 GMT

everything I just wrote was perfect.
I love everyone.

Thu, 07 Jul 2005 05:36:10 GMT

I love him more than life itself and thats the truth.
It looks so diffrent spelled out.

Everything is suddenly clear.
& this is really all I needed.
A computer screeen a computer key.
It floows pretty quickly
You dont have to worry.

Worry about your own mother.
Because I honestly could give a fuck.

It takes me 18 hours to write a sentance.
I'm inside the scene.
& It's the hippy dance.
Life is beautifully simplistic
I miss you.
Is simple.

I finally understand the meaning.

Of being stuck in your city.
Cause im stuck in San Diego
How many miles till San Diego

I listened to this song outside.
SKINNY SKINNY SKINNY SKINNY.

DEATH.

drugs.
heeeheee.

People bring me back.
I dont know.
Im out of it.
But not out of it in the way you think.
Im just out of the scene.

Will I remember this tommorow?
Will I feel like this tommorow?
I want to feel like this tommorowo.

GO AWAY.

thanks.

what we hate we make.

It's so true.
I HATE LOVING YOU.
I HATE IT SO MUCH.
It's not worth this.
It's not worth you.

I have never felt so at home.
& I'm more alone then ever.
Somethings crawling on me=.
It left.
It's back.
It left.

I have NEVER felt so at home.
I have never been so far away.
I have never felt like this.
I FEEL.
I love to feel.
what is feeling.
just feel.
fuckingfuckfuckfuck

no space.
no spaces.
shooting stars are miracels.
they work
trust me.
I JUST MISS YOU.
Is this the end.
yeaaaaaaaah

so.

Fri, 01 Jul 2005 19:06:09 GMT

This ones gonna be brutal
& this ones gonna hurt.
You asked for it my friend.
You asked for it my friend?

You get uglier everyday.
& everyday you're worthless.
Your whole life is just going round and round.
Round and round the surface.
You're stuck and pathetic.
Wasted and unpoetic.

You try and try over and over again.
Time after time after time after fucking time
AND EVERY FUCKINT TIME.
EVERY MOTHERFUCKING TIME.
You go ahead and FUCK it up again.

What the hell is wrong with you?
WHAT THE FUCKING HELL.
You need motivation.
You need refreshment.

You need money?
and freedom - no that you've got.
You need money.
You need a weight loss program.
You need a push.
You need drive.
You need YOU
You need them
You need yourself.

You need me.
Because I've finally figure out who you are.
You're me.

Wed, 29 Jun 2005 07:01:21 GMT

I'm taking a break.
I'm breaking up.

Wed, 29 Jun 2005 02:23:34 GMT

Cannabis.
Marijuanna?

Plants.
Herbs.
Nature.
So on so on so on.

Robin Hood and little Jon walking through the forest...
Thick;slow;lazy sun.
Hot;sweaty;sticky air.

Turn the corner
boom bam shlam.

We're soaring through a movie.
We've almost caught the enemy.
Bang Bang
You're Dead.

54321.

Running through the jungle.
Fast as lighting.
Sling Sling Sling Sling.

Holler.
Movies.
Sleep.
Sleepy.
Asleep.
Awake.

Bang Bang You're Dead.

Meet me in the bathroom.
Now.

Tue, 28 Jun 2005 15:42:13 GMT

Save it
You're an asshole.
You left me hanging.
There is nothing you can do about that.
Nope Nope Nope.
Nothing nothing at all.

I at least hope you noticed.
or something.

Tue, 28 Jun 2005 03:17:40 GMT

In all my years of study
I have yet to learn how to balance books and paper.

Tue, 28 Jun 2005 03:03:36 GMT

So it happens over and over again.
Over and over and over again.
Over and over and over again.
Over and over and over AGAIN.
I can't stress that enough.
But it's over and over and over again.

You have your amazing life.
Congratulations babyyy.

I have my exciting life.
Congragulations mee.

Escapes are nice.
Really nice.
But there are only a few that work.

Books are good.
Writing is good.
But drugs are quicker.

Easily done.
Simply affored.
Just one swallow.
All is rewarded.

Fuck you.
Fuck this place.
I'm getting my act together.
It's blank right upon my face.

The laundry is done.
& the room is clean.
The papers are written on and crisp with new sheeen.
& i'm fine.
& you're fine.
Even if you don't call.

It's been one year today.
I gave my heart away.
Don't worry baby.
I'll remember it all for you.
Don't worry honey.
I won't hold it against you.

No regrets.
No remberence.
No lifetime love affairs.

You never know what you have till you lose it.
Don't lose it.
I wont lose YOU.
I refuse to; little lost lamb.

I refuse to.
The End.
Once Upon a Time.
The End.

Goooodbye.

Mon, 27 Jun 2005 23:53:22 GMT

Nothing is ever good enough
& now she needs fucking proof.
FUCK THIS SHIT.

I am so out of here.

Where the hella are YOU.
cause I need YOU.

name change: lost lamb.

Mon, 27 Jun 2005 23:41:09 GMT

I hate myself for sitting here
Legs unable to pause
Legs moving out of control.
& the tears they roll
They roll real clean
they know what they're doing
they're good at what they do
So i'll cough my smokers cough
Light up another ciggarette
Try and forget
try and forget
it's been 7 days.
Where's my calculator;
that's 168 hours
that's 10080 minutes
that's 604800 seconds

no YOU.

Mon, 27 Jun 2005 21:13:32 GMT

Comfort is difference.
I am comfortable when things are different.
Physically.
Mentally comfort is routine.

Understand?

Boredom comes easily during my days.
But I enjoy it.
I enjoy my days alone.

I honestly don't want anybody here when i'm enjoying myself alone.
Actually.
The only person I'd want here is you.
But you don't even know who you are.
I don't even know who you are.
NOPE.
scratch that.
duh I do.

I have no regrets.
whatsoever.

I thank myself for that.
You're the best thing I have.
Thanks for everything.

YOU don't know who YOU are.
FUNNY.
Your name keeps changing.

Now it's YOU.
Capatalized.

Where the hell are YOU.
YOU are the best thing I have.
I want that back.

Thankss for everything?
For what?
Damn for a lot.
Just thanks for YOU.

P.S.
I really do think YOU are awesome.
Don't take that seriously though.

Review me.
Look me up and down.
Review me.
Review me
Review me.

Alternative Review.
Alternative Hip Hop Review.
Alternative Hip Hop Sound Stage Review.

This is the Alternative Hip Hop Sound Stage Review.
Welcome.
And the winner is...
Living Legends.

I am a living legend.

Blow me up with black glass.
Take over yourself with a back lash.

Mon, 27 Jun 2005 09:43:38 GMT

You know people say that relationships are like rollercoasters.
& I suppose it's true in a sense.
But think about it this way.
When you're on a rollercoaster; is the best part of it when you're at the top?
Nooo.
It's when you're going down.
Life isn't like that at all.
So I would say.
Life is not like a rollercoaster at all.
No life is more like the sunset on the last day of summer.

The sun is still up and you have hope.
& you're happy.
& you're enjoying everything around you.
The sun goes down and you realize things are gonna suck soon.
Things are gonna suck really bad; really soon.

Or I guess you could also compare life to the saturday morning sunrise and the sunday night sunset.
Pretty much the same thing.
Catch my drift.
Good.

I know you're going crazy.
Things will get better baby.
But not if you don't talk to me.
asshole.

FUCK YOU NO NAME.
FUCK YOU.

no I take that back.
fuck me?
fuck you.
fuck them.
fuck all.

violent violent violent.
tisk o tisk.

no names.
no mames.
no shame.
no promise.s

I don't make promises.
Not anymore.
What's the point.
There really isn't one.
Except the comfort you provide the other person.
But I doubt that really matters either.
Promises are stupid.
I've decided.
Carve that in stone why don't you.

Tommorow will be a productive day.
Yes.
It will.
No ands ifs or buts about it.
It's a new day.
A brand new day.
& it's going to start out right.
& it's going to end right.
& things will be right.

I remember when my life was right.
It's about time it gets back to being that way.
There are about two months of summer left.
Two months to get right.

Get right.
None of your business really what right is to me.
Or to you
Or them
Or anyone.

Basically; Tommorow is my day of revival.
Yes
Revival.

I have spent enough time resting.
Everyday is sunday.
HA.

What a way to die.
Sunday.
FUCK SUNDAY.
But not God.
Because God is pretty rad.

Anyway.
Tommorow is the day of revival.
And no; it's not gonna be a new and improved me or any of that bullshit.
I'm just going to make an inner turn around of sorts.
Fix things.
Become right.
Yes.
Right.

Night.

Mon, 27 Jun 2005 03:18:24 GMT

I hate it when you dissapear.
I'll say this again and again.
I wish I owned a crystal ball.
All I had to say was your name.
No name.
I'd know exactly where you were; who you were with; how you were feeling.

I honestly don't care where you are.
Just as long as your safe.
As long as your happy.
As long as you're enjoying your life.
Because your life is way too damn precious to waste.
Your life is beautiful.
One of the best ive seen.
You're so lucky.
You know you are.
I admire you.
I love you.
I care for you.

I miss you.?

Come home soon baby.
Safe and sound.
Come home soon baby.

See you around.

Sun, 26 Jun 2005 08:39:24 GMT

It gets so old saying we'll keep trying.
& It's mine to decide when i'll be alright.
It takes time.

I know youre going crazy.
Everythig will get better baby.

I LOVE YOU

Sun, 26 Jun 2005 07:27:37 GMT

So your sitting in a strangers apartment right?
& you feel like you're in that book you were reading at that other strangers house.
About the artist.
Who listens to Minor Threat.
Everything is amazing.
Life is amazing.
Lofts.
Apartments.
Closure.

Straws in lofts.
The epitime of American advertisment life.
Does anybody in this fucking world think like this.
My greatest wish would be to just allow the world inside.
To record my every fucking thought.
So that they can truly understand.
I want to be a legend.
& maybe.
Just maybe.
I've finally found my calling.

I don't even know what i'm doing.
Or where I am.
Or what I've become.
I feel so completely and utterly stuck
I can't even describe it.
I feel like im living in a shithole.
It stinks.

I wish I lived in the 60's
I need to MAKE SOMETHING OF MY FUCKING LIFE.

BUT WAIT.
WHAT THE FUCK
im a kid.
a fucking dammit kid.
17
not 18
not nineteen.

but a kid.
numbers are too hard to type.
Fuck poetry.

I CANT FUCKING CONCENTRATE.
thats what I love about writing.
Consentration not required.
Just write that in BIG GIGANTIC BOLD NEON LIGHTS RIGHT ABOVE MY FOREHEAD.

CONCENTRATION NOT REQUIRED.

I am amazing.
I always will be.
I fucking miss you man.
No names
like no mames.

the church is on fucking fire.
Does that mean something?
I have no idea.
giiggle giggle.
Drugs.

what the hell.

right back to reality.
BOOM.
LIKE A SONIC BOMB.
Right there man.

fucking sucks.
I hate reality.
I can't stand it.
Trippin balls.
I miss jack man.
I miss him a lot.

I was just talking about missing you.
No name.
No mames.

ay guey.
how I hate reality.

how I hate reality.
I hate reality.
but then again I love it.
chiiill.
a bittersweet word.

bitter
sweet.

feel something.
dont freeze it away.

chill.
myass.
right.
doit
iloveit.

what is wrong with me
I just cant stop it.
I am AMAZING.
I AM A WRITER.
And I love it.

DRAMA
is reality.

WHAT THE FUCK?
why the fuck did you quit your job?
that is reality.
acting class.
I have no idea whats going on.

Sat, 25 Jun 2005 22:23:12 GMT

Writers are people who have no one to talk to.
Well.
Not necessarily.
Writers are people who have people to talk to but wont talk to them about their thoughts because they don't want people to think theyre crazy.

I believe it.

What if I woke up one morning and I had a thought.
I thought about. Let's say.
Tigers.
In space.
Dancing with stars.
WHAT IF.
I had conjugated an entire opera.
Of tigers and stars.
Wouldn't you think I was insane?
Shit.
I think i'm insane.

But I'm not.
I just have too many thoughts.

The product of solo childhood?
Uno.One.Alone.

Talking talking talking talking.
To myself.
I don't think it's wierd at all.
It's normal.
Gotta keep yourself occupied.
I don't really get lonely.
I can find things to keep me occupied for hours.
Games
Movies
Thoughts
Poems
Songs
Dance
Melody.

Don't matter.
I strongly strongly believe you're mine.
I forgot.

Well what a way to shoot a person down.
Forgetting.
That you haven't called.
Dammit.
Now I lost my train of thought.
Were you paying attention?
Maybe you could remind me.
What I was going to say.

Was that I strongly strongly believe that writing style is complete bullshit.
Analyzing that and this and those.
Makes no sense.
Because there is absolutely no way in hell you can analyze a persons thoughts.
It's impossible.
It's like trying to record someones dreams.
You just can't do it.

If I write.

I ATE A WATERMELON SEED.

It does not mean that I miss my mother because she killed herself when I was two.

It fucking means I ate a watermelon seed.
Fucking shit.

Or what if I were to write.

I ATE AN ORANGE IN THE MORNING YESTERDAY.

What if IN MY MIND that meant that I had sex with my brother last night?
Now that sentance is going to get published and people are going to analyze it but theyre gonna come up with a completely different meaning.
& there's gonna be one kid who actually gets it right.
According TO MY MIND.
And they're gonna fail.

It's total anarchy.
The world is coming to an end.
People are crazy.
Stuck up.
Stiff.
Sticks up their asses.

I'm over the world.
I'm so over life (In the words of Adriene)
People just need to chill out.
Quit their jobs.
& live on the street.
Eat cake.

WHY NOT.

Sat, 25 Jun 2005 22:09:13 GMT

back in school.
Yeah that gets cruel.
Man now look at you.
Your heart is big enough for two.

Music is generally a beautiful thing.
If corresponded correctly with the right chords and melodies.
Music is generally a beautiful thing.
It gets trashed
It gets thrashed
It gets killed and murdered.
Boiled a baked.
Taken for granted.
Raped and measured.
Take it seriously.
It's serious dammit.

It's hearts broken.
Look inside them.
It means a lot.
If you think about it.

All it is; is special thoughts from deep inside the membraines
Put on top of melodic notes and expressed into elongated words.

It's indescribable.
I'm sure you would agree.
It's simple yet so complex.

A deaf ear is sad.
For they will never experience the phenonmenon
Of goosebumps and shivers up and down your spine;
When a specific note is shot through the air.

A broken heart is broken beacause the opposition doesn't understand.
The heart must be broken if the opposition is to ever understand.
Or if the opposition is ever to feel the same.

A heart goes unbroken when the opposition feels the same way.
The opposition already knows what's inside the heart.
Therefore it does not need to be broken.
The opposition can just feel it.
Without looking.

There are exceptions of course of course.
Where for example.
The heart goes unbroken because the owner was too afrad to risk a crack.
You think; well then what's the problem; the heart is unbroken and untouched.
Unhurt and in one piece.
But what you forget is that if a heart goes unbroken for too long.
It fill up with too many emotions and eventually one day break all on its own.
Alone.
One is the lonliest number...

Lonely.

That's worse then breaking heart in front of someone.
That's worse then being let down.
What if what if what if.
That will be your motto.
Your saying.
Your trade mark.
what if what if what if?

?

Sat, 25 Jun 2005 22:00:57 GMT

Hey lush have fun; it's the weekend.

My lips move slower than the words but they meet up eventually.

I don't think that you know what you've been missing

The paint is peeling of the walls

Forget me it's that simple.

It's dark and dreary.
Damp and dingy.
It's the weekend.
Have fun.
Forget me.
It's simple.

...

nevermind
don't forget me.

Wed, 25 May 2005 07:58:00 GMT

Just you yourself.
Alone and no one else.
It's like electricity flowing
Haven't felt alive in months
Shivers and timbers
It's all to much to bear
So good it hurts me
A loss so big it works me
Up
Works me down
Around and around
Until there is no ground
This my friend is you yourself
You yourself
and no one else.

Wed, 25 May 2005 07:56:38 GMT

& I'm sick of this superficial culture
you and I only allow it
you and I only contribute.
& tommorow
I'm quitting make-up.

Sat, 21 May 2005 23:48:30 GMT

The sky is cloudless.
The sun is hot.
Waterfalls from the sky.
It's not genuine.
It's only home-made rain.

Sat, 21 May 2005 23:46:43 GMT

Beat up canvas.
Beat up shoes.
Beat up culture.
Beat up you.